If you can't be yourself, then I don't want to know who you are.

Once again it’s been a long time since I’ve updated. Not that I haven’t thought about it but quite honestly, I’ve been too busy and my thoughts too jumbled to put what I’m doing, thinking and feeling into words.

You see, ever since October I’ve been doing 2 jobs. When Nancy was fired, I was the one who was given her responsibilities. Where as before I was an “overseer”, such as I let Nancy do her job and was hands off in the day to day office responsibilities because I was busy learning the job of a lady who had been with the company for 13 years. Suddenly I was not only learning my job but the job of a lady who had been there for 5 years. Suddenly, I was doing the job of 2 people who combined had 18 years of experience with this 1 company.

I took on this new responsibility with determination. I didn’t know what to expect, I was never told what was expected of me. I was never told how to do my new job. I learned on the go and when I made a mistake or did something I wasn’t suppose to do it was only then I was told “You shouldn’t have done that.” Well, if I would have known before I did something, then I wouldn’t have done it.

I never received an outline of my responsibilities. My new job description was never described to me. Suddenly I’m dealing with international shipping regulations and international distributors and I’m learning on the fly. I’m running the office while I’m still learning the job I was hired to do.

Nancy is fired and a month before she’s fired, we let go our part-time worker. Now we are down 2 people in the office and I’m picking up the slack for 2 people.

There were days when I went non stop, get in early, leave late, work through lunch, work through break and I’d get up and do it all over again. I never complained about my new responsibilities. I never made excuses for my mistakes. When I made one, I owned up to it. I did my best even when I felt like I was all alone.

So what do I get for taking on my new responsibilities? What do I get for not complaining? What do I get for doing my best and learning on the go with no teacher and no direction? I get a lousy 2.5% raise.

Yep you read right 2.5%. What was the reason I was given a 2.5% raise? It’s because I still haven’t learned all the dynamics of my position and learned all my responsibilities. By not knowing these 2 things I was given a lousy review because everything kept coming back to these 2 factors.

For me if I was given proper direction, a proper outline of responsibility, proper training, then these 2 factors would have been non-factors. I was left to learn on my own and the only time I learned what not to do was after I did it.

I’ve sat back and seen someone who I work with mess up on a daily basis. I’ve seen her act irresponsible, I’ve seen her bad mouth Management, I’ve seen her bring in her personal problems into work. She’s been treated with kid gloves by my bosses because if she is told she’s doing something wrong, she pouts, cops an attitude, spouts out angry words and blames others for her short comings. Responsibilities she’s been given have been taken away because she can not handle new responsibilities. She does these things on a regular basis and yet she is given a very undeserving raise. The reason she was given her raise is because quote “She is going to trade shows and she has more responsibilities.” There are 4 trade shows a year and she sucks at doing her “new” responsibilities.

It’s very disappointing to give my all every day for a company I love and be under appreciated. It’s discouraging to give my best effort and go above and beyond with no complaining and I’m given a 2.5% raise. It’s humiliating to see someone who is coddled and worthless when it comes to anything beyond answering the phones be given a raise and shown appreciation for her “new responsibilities” most of which have been taken away from her because she can’t do them.

2.5% raise. Yep that’s all I get. 2.5%. When I think about how much money my bosses are pocketing since Nancy was fired ($60,000 a year) plus the money from not having a part time person there any more, it makes me sick. They often talk about treating people fairly and yet today I did not see the fairness.

All this has done is make me want to prove them wrong. Make me accomplish more. It’s lit a fire inside me to show them they made a mistake. If they don’t appreciate me, treat me fairly and compensate me fairly after all this is said and done, then I will be left with no option but to take my loyalty, hard work, commitment and passion to another company.

I almost bought a Jeep today. I was approved for the loan, close to signing on the dotted line but I held off and walked away. Boy it was hard but I did it.

I talked them down as low as they would go and we were about $75.00 away from what they wanted and what I was willing to pay. It was a beauty, hard top, 23,000 miles, 2003. I know when the right one comes along I'll get it but damn it's hard to wait.

I haven't kept up with this as much as I want. No excuses (once again). It's just nothing real interesting is going on. Work is same old same old. I'm keeping busy as usual. My review is in March and I hope to get a nice size raise now that I'm doing 2 jobs. I got really pissed off when I found out Julie got a raise because as Tanya put it "She had more responsibility now." Ummmm HELLO! I've got more responsibility than anyone, Tanya has even said so herself. I can only do my best and hope that in the end I'm treated fairly.

I had a birthday. It went OK. Hit a movie, went out to eat. Nothing special. Now I'm another year older, the wiser part is still yet to be determined.

I'll be an Aunt by the end of March. My brother and his wife are expecting. They are having a boy. I hope he has ADD like Mark did and drives Mark as crazy as he did Mom.

Anyway, that's about it. Not a whole lot else happening. I'm still looking to get a Motorcycle.

So until next time as my dad once told me "Be good and if you can't be good, don't get caught."